Sunday, April 5, 2009

Last Home? #19

As I write down my life for all to read, I have left out many things I wanted to keep in the family. I have a journal that I wrote these things in, they are for my children s eyes only. We all have things that we do not share with others, but God knows all.

We lost our home, due to the high attorneys and court costs, after all Bonnie could obtain a free attorney. We are now starting our eleventh year at this home, and here I will stay. It has been a long journey for us, we weathered many a storm and I suppose still will. I certainly do not want to know what life has to offer in the future but would like to enjoy a little more of it. This home is on a dead end road, you would never know it, we still have a lot of traffic. This is due to the fact that we are the second road named Highland off of the main road, cars are continually coming down our road looking for the other Highland which I might add the other Highland is about three miles north of our road.

Many things has happened over the last eleven years at this house. My granddaughter bought her first Ferret, named Skippy and we got a puppy, named Willow, so this is the first home they ever knew. When Skippy was four he had adrenal cancer and only lived two more years. At this time Sarah had purchased two more Ferrets, names were Storm and Dusty. When Storm was four years old he went to the vets for surgery and complications set in and he died. Dusty was missing him so much, so Sarah went to the pet store and purchased Logan he is now eight months old. Dusty at first did not care for Logan but now they are the best of buddies.

Willow was purchased from a kennel when she was three months old, someone had dumped her along side the road, I don't know why, she was so cute. My granddaughter taught Willow to do tricks by sign language and it worked. Willow liked to toke walks around the neighborhood, when she met each person she would stop and wag her tail and whine. Every night we would walk the neighborhood and every drive way we came to she would stop and whine, if no one was out, she would move on to the next drive way, sometimes it seemed like it took for ever to go for a walk. When Willow was ten years old she began having trouble with her heart and was put on medicine. She became to ill to go on and passed away before her eleventh birthday, she is waiting at Rainbow Bridge for me. So is my sweet Melody, she was going on 16 years old, she was the best cat I ever had and she is at the Bridge also.

In 2004 I went to the hospital because my left arm would not stop aching, they took the normal blood and did a ekg. Imagine how shocked I was when they told me I had a heart attach and sent me to Mercy Hospital to have a stint put in the front of my heart. They released me next day and on the way home in the car I passed out, my husband had pulled over and ask me what was wrong, I told him it was probably because I had not eaten good, I am a diabetic. Next day I passed out while setting in my chair, called the doctor and he said you mean when you stood up, I said no, when I was setting. He said call an ambulance, don't go in a car, your heart is stopping, boy what a scare. I called the ambulance, in the hospital they decided to admit me, good thing, my heart stopped five times. They did an emergency pace maker in my neck, saved my life, I became real scared when the head nurse told me I had actually died those five times and kept coming back on my own, so they did the emergency on me. I am eternally grateful to that doctor, next day they sent me back to Mercy for the permanent pacemaker in my left upper chest, this was five years ago and I am doing fine.

My husband had a replacement in his left knee, and he ended up in a nursing home. He did not do so good, he refused to walk on his new knee and did not cooperate in therapy. He started acting like he was getting Alzheimer and this scared me. The morphine was interacting with his other meds, he was acting like he did not know us. I went once while they were serving lunch, I walked in the dinning room and he was setting at the table, hunched over holding a BBQ, it was dripping all down his pj's, I spoke to him and had no reaction from him. This is when they seriously took a hard look at what meds he was taken and decided to take him off Morphine. In a few days he was acting like himself and I told the nursing home I was taking him home. He still acted like a baby with his new knee, but at least he was getting better care, men can be such babies. That was three years ago and he still walks real slow, but I know he could do better, but at least he is walking.

Remember Bill and Sandy, she passed away in 1985. Bill had cancer on his ear, they removed it and sent it in. This was a strange cancer, it spread so fast, into his lower body ending up in his lungs. Bill was his old self up to the last. He went into a seizure in the ambulance and by the time he got to the hospital he was in a coma, from which he never regained consciousness. He was such a nice person, he was 67 years old and lived 21 years after Sandy's death.

Ron had his share of misfortune, he had a blood clot just below his heart in the aorta, it was removed and that same night he was rushed into emergency surgery for a clot in his left leg. They had to do a by pass to save his leg but afterwords the doctor's watched for signs that the flow of blood in the leg was good. He did not come out of it 100%, from the middle of his foot to his toes there was no feeling. It has been six months and his foot is still numb, the doctor said the nerves should come back in about a year, he is finally walking without his cane.

As I type the last of my story and reflect on what is going on now a day's, I think of my two boy's. Ron is still living with us. The only assistance he gets is food stamps, he was refused any medical help, which I think is unfair, he can not work until he heals. Doug just lost his job, he is getting food stamps and unemployment, he can still maintain his own apartment and pay his bills. I am not happy for their circumstances, I wish they were better off than they are. Today I am setting here writing for the world to see if I have failed somehow, I feel I should of run my life better and perhaps things would of turned out different. Well we are all together, we get along and are still friends, Sarah is doing great, working every day, Drew is well and comes two weekends a month.

I know one more thing I am thankful for is the day my son Doug told me he was giving me his computer. He gave me this wonderful computer desk, monitor, tower, printer and his chair. I would like to put photos on myself but right now I can't afford a camera. Thank all you faithful readers for coming by, I enjoy reading each and everyone of your comments. I also enjoying coming by to see what each of you have to say and what you are up to, so see you around the blog sites, it is April 7th, 2009, and is 6:28 pm.

21 comments:

WELCOME TO MY WORLD OF POETRY: said...

I am so sorry you have come to the end of your story. I bet it was frightening having that heart trouble , it is also sad to see friends pass away edpecially if you were close.
Please remember you are most welcome at My World any time.
Take care

Yvonne.

Patty said...

Dear Margaret, you have been to hell and back and still ticking. Takes a lot to knock us ole broads out doesn't it? I've had a few hard knocks myself, so I know.

As for kids, we have five, three are divorced, one I don't think is too happy, and one is gay. We also have a daughter and granddaughter living with us at the moment. I don't wonder what we've done right or wrong. I'm like you, just happy we all get along. Our only son is coming up from Fl in May for about a week visit, we haven't seen him in about five years.

I to am happy I'm able to do as much as I am able to do, since Abe no longer can do the yard and etc. How long I'll be able to do it I don't know, we may have to eventually give up the house and yard for an apartment someplace.

I'm also happy your son gave you the computer and accessories. This way you can stay connected to the world and hopefully your family.

As for husbands being stubborn, I know what you mean. Mine should wear a mask over his nose and mouth when he goes out in cold weather, does he, NO, then he's gasping for air. Same way when he bends over, I've tried telling him how he should take a deep breath, blow it out, bend over, and then as soon as he stands up take another deep breath, does he, NO. He bends and then stands up and says I can't hardly breath, I can't live this way. Well let's face it, with asthma and emphysema, he'll be living that way and he may as well get use to it. Since he doesn't want to take my suggestion about breathing. I had to go to rehab for my lungs about 15 years ago when I had something called sarcoidosis. I was lucky, mine got better, but I still have some scar tissue in the lungs. Perhaps I should ask his doctor if that would help him. They take suggestions better from a stranger than they do their wife.

Please keep posting now and again. Post about your pets. About life in general and please stop by now and then. Take care my friend, love Patty

Doug Cloud said...

I am doing well because the Lord provides for me. He allowed me to have unemployment and He has taken care of you and dad also. He still waits for you to come to Him, mom. He will always be there for you. You just need to give your life to the Lord and you will have a new life and a new hope forevermore. Amen.

ancient one said...

I really love Doug's comment. He knows who's looking out for him. He's gonna' be just fine.

I don't think you should be questioning if you've done good enough or something wrong... you did the best you knew how... GOD Loves You!!

I have enjoyed your story. And yes, all of us have things we are not so proud of in our past. Those things we just leave with GOD. HE forgives and HE forgets!

Every day is a new day... Please keep on posting about things that interest you.

I'm so glad Doug gave you a computer. I'm so glad my children talked me into getting one. I feel so fortunate to have found you, OLD DIGGER, lets keep on looking for old bottles..LOL

Joseph Pulikotil said...

Hi Margaret :)

So many health problems and yet you managed so many pets. That's amazing! The list of ailments you have described is so alarming.

I was in the ICU for one day because I stopped taking tablets for sugar and ate quite a lot of sweets. The sugar level went up and it affected my heart. The doctor told me that I should scan the heart and if any blockage is there he will do an angioplasty. That was one year back.

I did not do the scan and I am walking around. But the problem is I cannot walk fast continuously for 5 minutes. I get a pain in the chest and palpitations. So I stop for one or two minutes and continue walking. So far so good. I hope I will be able to carry on without a surgery for some more years.

I don't have any pets because I don't want to take the trouble of looking after them. Besides, I am living in an apartment.

I am doing a job of my own and earn some money. My eldest son, Francis Xavier who is working in Spain at present, gives enough money for us to live comfortably. Thank God for him.

I enjoyed reading you post written utmost utmost honesty and simplicity. I will not know what to do if I had to face so many problems.

God bless you and your family, Margaret :)
Joseph

Lynn@ The Vintage Nest said...

Hi Margaret, Taking various medications can really mess you up. My husband's Mom was put in the hospital with hallucinations and other problems a couple of years ago. It took my husband any my brother-in-law (not the doctors) to figure out the combination of drugs she was on was bad. As soon as they took her off everything she was fine and back to her old self. Modern medicine is amazing and a wonderful thing but you still have to watch out for #1. Have a wonderful Easter Margaret. xo Lynn

momsbusy said...

i want to thank you for sharing your life with us. it is funny how we think our own lives are boring and inconsequential while someone elses is so interesting. i guess it is because of our perspective. the same goes for raising our kids. you are not sure how well you did yet everyone reading your story has marveled at how well you did considering the circumstances in you life. what matters is that you loved them and did your best. i really liked doug's comment. it sounds like he knows where his blessings come from. my husband has been unemployed for over a year. his unemployment (w/lots of extensions) and my income have kept us with our heads just above water. it has been enough - which is all we needed. sometimes we wonder if he will ever find another job w/ the economy being so bad. he has had quite a few interviews but employers can be really picky w/ such a large pool of prospective employees to pull from. we learn something w/ each interview that he goes to. we have hope and faith that everything will be fine in the end. wishing you a joyful Easter miss margaret.

Kathleen said...

Oh my, Margaret. You haven't failed anything or anyone. Things don't always go the way we want them to, do they? But that doesn't mean that we've failed. In everything you had love in your heart and did the very best you could. And didn't you love A LOT? I think that is the test of pass or fail. The time comes when we have to let go and trust that our children can make their own decisions and live their own lives. People live and die. We work and sometimes we lose our jobs. We live as best we can and do the best we know how.

I think you have lived a brilliant life and have given your heart completely to your family and loved ones. You are absolutely fabulous, Margaret!

Denise said...

I think you are the most amazing lady. We get through life and do the best we can for our children, we set them on the right road and sow good values into their souls, but it's really up to them from then on. I have enjoyed this story of your life Margaret, so many knocks you have had but you've come through strong and I admire you greatly for all that you have done for your family.

Margaret Cloud said...

Thank all you friends for coming by and sharing comments about my life, you have been very kind and I appreciate it.

Gramma Ann said...

Margaret,

It was so nice of you to share your life story. I enjoyed reading it and like everyone else, don't blame yourself for your children's mistakes. There comes a time in there life when they have to make their own decisions even if we don't fully agree with them. And I'm sure some of the choices I made my mother didn't agree with either.

I had five children and one committed suicide, why? Probably, because of depression and the wild side of life. He and I agreed one day that he wouldn't tell me how to live my life and I wouldn't tell him how to live his. He knew my viewpoint of his lifestyle and when he was a little older, he told us he wishes he would have listened to us when he was younger.

But that is now water under the bridge, and there is no reason to dwell on it or I would lose my mind.

My other children are happy and doing well. They are all married and have children and grandchildren. And like you said we all get along and that makes for a very happy life.

Thanks again for sharing your story.

chubskulit said...

As you end your story I feel like you are my mom and I can feel your worries about your kids. Gosh, I am in tears whew... But despite of those struggles you managed to keep your family intact and I salut you for that. You are truly an inspiration to me. Thanks for sharing your life with us, I have learned so many things from you!

john said...

I like your sons message to you. Thanks for sharing your life story ms margaret.

misty said...

Thank you very much for the wonderful and life lesson stories. may God bless you always!

Renie Burghardt said...

Margaret,

I really enjoyed reading your story. We try to do the best we can with our children, but sometimes they just don't listen. You did wonderfully well. Doug left you a beautiful comment, and God bless him. Isn't it nice that he gave you a computer, so you could enjoy the world of the Internet! I hope you do some more stories about your life.

Happy Easter to you.

Renie

debbie said...

DEAR SWEET MARGARET,
FIRST I WANT TO ASK YOU TO FORGIVE ME FOR NOT VISITING YOUR BLOG IN AWHILE...I HAVE MISSED YOU AND YOU ARE SUCH A BRIGHT SPOT TO VISIT.
MARGARET, I WAS THINKING WHAT YOUR SON, DOUG SAID TO YOU. IT MADE ME CRY. I DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU STAND WITH THE LORD MARGARET, BUT WHEN I WAS 42, I WAS FULL OF PAIN. I HAD SUCH WORRY AND GUILT AND I FELT I HAD NO HOPE AND I HAD BEEN A CHRISTIAN SINCE I WAS 15 YEARS OLD AND ACTUALLY AS LONG AS I CAN REMEMBER I HAVE TALKED TO GOD....BUT ON THIS PARTICULAR DAY I WAS DRIVING HOME FROM A BUSINESS MEETING AND I LOOKED AT THE SUNSET AND A TELEPHONE POLE LOOKED LIKE A CROSS AND I PULLED OFF THE ROAD AND EXPLODED INTO TEARS....I WAS LIKE A BEGGAR LAYING AT THE FOOT OF THE CROSS BUT PRAISE GOD...JESUS DIDN'T STAY ON THE CROSS...I CAN'T EXPLAIN MY LOVE FOR THE LORD AND WHAT HE HAS DONE FOR ME...I STILL HAVE THE SAME PROBLEMS....ALWAYS "HEALTH RELATED", HAS CAUSED US TO LOSE 3 HOMES...BUT WE ALWAYS, PRAISE GOD HAD A HOME TO GO TO. I FELT LIKE LESS THAN A HUMAN BEING WHEN MY TWO CHILDREN ASK, "ARE WE POOR MAMA?" "NO!" I WOULD ALWAYS SAY. "WE ARE RICH BECAUSE WE HAVE JESUS."
I WOULD BE SO VERY SAD THAT A WOMAN AS LOVING AND GIVING AS YOU WOULD NOT ACCEPT THE LORD. THIS LIFE IS BUT A VAPOR BUT LIFE EVER AFTER IS FOREVER AND EVER AND WE WILL BE WALKING ARM IN ARM ON STREETS OF GOLD IN THE JOYOUS PRESENCE OF THE LORD. I REFUSE TO SEE THE THINGS THAT HAVE HAPPENED IN MY LIFE AS CURSES. I BELIEVE THEY ARE BLESSINGS THAT BUILT CHARACTER AND INTREGRITY AND HUMILITY AND A DEPENDENCE ON THE LORD.
REALLY THIS IS NOT THE END OF YOUR STORY...EVERY DAY YOU WILL FIND SOMETHING TO SHARE WITH THOSE THAT FOLLOW AND LOVE YOU.
THANK YOU, MS. MARGARET FOR SHARING YOUR LIFE WITH US. IT TAKES A LOT OF COURAGE.
MUCH LOVE TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY
MAY GOD BLESS DOUG FOR GIVING YOU HIS COMPUTER. YOU HAVE TOUCHED SO MANY LIVES.
YOU ARE AN INSPIRATION, JUST AS GOD INTENDED.
BLESSINGS
HUG
debbie

Dog_geek said...

Margaret, I hope that you are not feeling as though you have failed somewhere along the way. This may be the last installment of your story, but your story is not over, it is still continuing even now, as is Ron's story and Doug's. Nothing about your life sounds like a failure to me - it sounds like you have raised a wonderful, close family, and that you have had soem wonderful times together. That sounds like success to me. That is so much more important than what house someone might be living in, or what job they might have.

The Furry Kids said...

Thank you for sharing your story with us. Don't think back and wish that things were different. You did the best that you knew how to do, given what life handed you. That's all anybody can do and that's what made you the person you are today. You're special to us and we're glad you're our friend. Hugs and purrs and slobbery dawg kisses to you, Miss Margaret.

Lilly said...

Hi Margaret, I have so enjoyed your story and I look upon your whole life as being a huge success. You have worked hard, loved your family and have done all you could to protect the family unit. You are a hero in my books. Gosh everything you have gone through is amazing. And I agree with others, Doug is well able to look after himself and I loved his comment also because he is right. The lord has looked after you to date, Margaret. I am so glad Doug gave you his computer too. He sounds lovely.

By the way my father Des also is allergic to Morphine. He tried to throw himself out of the fourth floor of the hospital. Morphine does terrible things to some people so I know EXACTLY wht you are talking about with Charles. I bet you look after him too!!

Take Care of yourself and know that everyone who reads your blog has been inspired so very much by you and your story. Thank you so much for sharing because ALL of us face bad things and sometiems we so desperately need to hear how others have not only faced it but waked through it in one piece. You my friend are still in one piece. Much love to you.

caspersmom said...

Boy did I have a lot to catch up on. Margaret you just can't keep a good girl down. Also God still had something for you to do keeping you alive with your heart problems. You were never a failure in anything, life just hands out things that we have to do the best we can to get through them, and you certainly did just that. Can't believe I just said that because there are times when I think I have failed in life also, especially with our children. I guess most Mom's sometimes think about that. I always wanted my kids to have better than I did also, but it didn't work out that way. They work just as hard as we did to get what we have. And so I have got to say I am mighty proud of them for doing that. I still have some more to read here but this is where I stopped. Hope you will know I made the comment. God Bless you Margaret.

Love,
Monica (Caspersmom)

Margaret Cloud said...

Thanks loyal friends for following along on my journey, which is not quite over.

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